Honour Killings, Arranged Marriages and Gender Equality

I left India fifty years ago and married an English girl five years later. My two brothers stayed behind to look after my aging parents who arranged their sons' marriages. By and large the family lives of my brothers were happy and produced my three nephews and two nieces. Two nephews overcame strong opposition and chose their wives and the marriages of the others were arranged. The nieces were married into prosperous families. One of them had two daughters. These girls were educated in elite schools, graduated with honours in commerce and now have important positions in Indian outposts of global enterprises. One of them did something Indian girls of her class rarely do – she fell in love with a colleague. But the lovers couldn’t just go and get married; the relationship had to be blessed by both sets of parents. In her case the family of the prospective groom did not approve, the young man lost heart and the bride-to-be was left to bake in the hot midday sun.

The family of my niece was very disappointed and they initiated a search for the replacement groom. Another prospect came forward but backed out during the negotiations. When Evelyn, my feminist wife, heard this sorry tale she was livid, “It is the same disrespect for women that is behind honour killings. Can you imagine the shame a beautiful and highly educated young woman in a respectable job feels in being marketed like a commodity, families bargaining the terms of what dowry she will bring without regard for what qualities she has? We should invite her to come to Canada. There will be a line up of men from here to eternity dying to marry her.”

Evelyn has a very good aim when it comes to hitting a nail on the head. The problem with arranged marriages is that the bride’s family has to chase the groom who plays hard to catch. Being put on display and being the one to be accepted or rejected by the prospective groom without reciprocal option is demeaning for the girl and sets the tone of the couple’s life together. Other customs which devalue women range in impact from murder at one extreme to constant put downs at the other. Honour killings, setting brides on fire when dowry is inadequate, female infanticide and abortion of female fetuses, old and fortunately now dead practice of Sati, sexual mutilation, use of niqab to cover the face and hijab to cover the head, physical and emotional punishment when her work is below expectation are expressions of the same basic belief - women are not as human as men. The sense of inferiority of women is so entrenched that women themselves believe it and participate in perpetuating it. This is why girls are treated like a burden to be borne by the family. They are an onerous responsibility to be grudgingly shouldered till they are old enough to be passed on, with appropriate compensation, to another family. It does not matter what women themselves feel or what they are capable of.

If customs that subjugate women are to be eliminated, men and women will have to be treated as equal, not only in law but in every day affairs as well. Social workers and educators dealing with immigrants from the developing world face a critical issue: Are the gender based customs edicts issued in religious scriptures or they are cultural conventions. Although the line between culture and religion is sometimes blurred, the scholars of most Hindu sects, Judaism and Christianity are agreed that this is not a religious issue. Although Islamic scholars are not unanimous in their opinion, the vast majority of them have stated that there is no gender prejudice in Quran and women have the same rights as men. This view is supported by the argument that if these customs were based purely on religion they would be observed universally while most of the practices mentioned above are regional and even there these are practiced among certain classes only. Moreover, evidence points to gender biases being of relatively recent origin. It has often been argued that the humiliation of women in a society began when it was in decline.

The murder of three girls in Rideau Canal by their parents and the sibling along with the step mother is shocking indeed and is rightly being condemned. But to consider it in isolation will be a mistake. To bring any meaningful change we need to see beyond the worship of goddesses, be they Lakshmi or Mary or Fatima and facile statements like ‘she is the queen of the house’. We have to create the belief that all human beings are equal irrespective of their race, religion or sex. All individuals have the same rights and responsibilities and traditional and cultural practices must demonstrate that. We can not hide behind the cover provided by multiculturism. We must work towards eradicating customs which treat half of the society unfairly, in Canada and all over the world.


Financing Pensions

Canadian Government is raising the issue once again of the increasing burden of supporting retiring people. In my opinion, the senior's problem is easily defined and the solution is straight forward. The root of the problem is that the life expectancy in Canada has increased steadily over the years. My elementary research suggests that it increases by one year every two years. Coincidentally or by design, when Old Age Security age was set at 65, life expectancy was close to 65 too.

If this is indeed the case, there is a simple solution to the problem. Let us make the age of seniority float with life expectancy. Whatever the life expectancy of an average Canadian, seniors' benefits (including retirement?) begin at an age directly related to it. This will stop the ballooning of the costs of older people without causing much hardship. As it is, a large number of people work beyond 65 (myself and wife included) anyway.

The change will cause a hue and cry but that will happen anyway, only the people screaming would be different.