In Minute Detail

“How far did we walk?”
“I don’t have the GPS so I have no way to tell the distance.”
“Forget the distance. How long did it take?”
“I forgot my watch on the dressing table this morning so I did not time us. But let’s see if I can work it out. The other day when you were at the professional dinner, I timed myself from the bottom of the steps in the park to the door of our humble home. Now it may be a little more than the way there because one is a little bit tired. On the other hand it may be a little bit less because it is slightly, just tiny bit, so tiny that one may not even notice it, downhill. So it is hard to say the total time with complete confidence from just half of the measurement. It is certainly not scientific and I will not like to be held down to it. Any way, I looked at the watch, not my Omega, that is back at the watch-maker’s being repaired for the broken button but my Longines. Longines is working fine, accurate to a second, as you would expect a watch with that kind of reputation to be, but it does have a disadvantage. It does not have a second hand. Funny I did not notice it when I was buying it in Auckland after the near fatal injuries to Omega. Poor Omega; pin holding the strap came lose, watch came off my wrist, fell on the road and I lost my balance. To think of it, it is hard to say what came first, losing balance or the watch falling off. In the process I stepped on the poor watch and it was crushed. I was so sorry my only item of jewellery, the one I treasured so much, came to such a sad and ignoble end. On the other hand, I thought twenty years of service was long enough even if it was an expensive watch and it would be fun to shop for a new one in New Zealand. The country’s economy needed a boost and why should I not help when I can. Ten years after the incident, it can’t really be called an accident can it? I got the Omega repaired for twice what I had paid for it, more for the ego than any economic value. Not even four weeks had gone by when it stopped and I took it back to the watchmaker to be repaired; under warranty thanks be to Allah, all merciful. That is how I happened to have the Longines on, the watch I wouldn’t have bought if I had noticed the missing second hand. The absence of second hand doesn’t ever bother me except that in this instance it makes my observation more than a little uncertain. At worst it could be almost a minute off in both readings, at the start and also at the end. Thus my time estimate, if I was lucky, could be accurate for the return portion of the walk or, in the worst case scenario, may be up to two minutes short or long. You will agree that the possible error of almost ten percent is not acceptable by any means.”
“You have talked for half an hour and I still do not know how long we walked.”
“Oh yes. I am sorry I got carried away. You won’t believe from the way I go on and on that my thesis was the shortest ever submitted to the Faculty. But that was a long time ago. Times change and one has to change with them. Not only times, with us the place has changed too and with it the culture.”
“Are you going to answer me or not?”
“Haven’t I answered you yet? Silly me, I don’t know what is wrong with me. It must be the senility setting in with old age. To answer you, well, I looked at the watch just when I was about to put my right foot on the first step. Hour hand was at nine, minute hand was at zero and as I just said there is no second hand – I bought the watch new ha ha. Fortunately I did not meet any one we know and the walk home was uninterrupted. After I unlocked the front door, got in and closed the door behind me I looked at the watch, the wrist watch that is, not the one on the wall in front of me ticking merrily and quite loudly if I may add. The hour hand was between nine and ten as you would expect and the minute hand was between five and six. It could be twenty seven or it could be twenty eight, bit hard to tell. As far as I can remember now a week or so later, twenty eight would be more correct than twenty seven. Thus, a crude estimate by a watch without a second hand is twenty eight minutes. You can make your own assumptions and deduce the time it took me to get to the steps, add the two and there is your total time. If I were to guess, fifty six minutes would be a reasonable ball park figure, a minute or two long or short.”
“Thank you. I don’t know what I would do with all my spare time if my simple queries were answered straight away and not in such minute detail.”
“Always there to help, that is me.”